Sometimes I lose track of what’s important– or maybe the seemingly insurmountable levels of pressure that I’ve been dealing with nag me to distraction. Although I do say Alhamdulilah for everything good and bad, sometimes I don’t realize how truly good I have it.
I came home to my parents’ house this weekend with very mixed feelings. I was coming home for a wedding and I wasn’t really feeling it. I was excited to see my mom, sisters, brother, but I also was driven to utter preoccupation over thoughts of a dear friend going in for medical tests that would basically spell out her future for her, thoughts over work, what I’m doing education wise, and some major steps and changes that are happening in my life as we speak. Combine all of that with the serious levels of guilt that I was feeling over leaving my dog for the weekend (normally it isn’t bad, but he seemed to notice that I was packing and became so needy!) and my dad and brother to go have fun and the beginning of my drive was blurred with tears.
And then about 20 minutes into this drive, in a terrible rain storm mind you, there was a cleft in the clouds and the sun was shining so brightly I could swear I was on a beach in Yaffa and I just looked up, smiled, and thought to myself– “funny, my silver lining is gold today.”
Sometimes it takes the awesomeness of Allah swt’s power and ability to create beauty EVERYWHERE to kick a gloomy feeling and to remind myself that right now– this very moment is the best moment of my life. Every moment is the best moment of my life. How can it not be? My parents are both alive, my siblings are all healthy (although they can get on my last nerve- I’m so lucky to have every last one of them), I’ve got a great job, a great future insh’allah and as a Muslim, I’m surrounded by the blessings of Allah swt every single moment.
And if you were to count Allah’s favors, you would not be able to number them; most surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. [Sūrah al-Nahl: 18]
I was driving home on Friday, so I figured, on the drive, I should listen to and recite Surat al Kahf and I was just calmed, I began to center myself. Sob7an Allah I have reached a point in my life where I’ve stopped giving thought to certain things, stopped wondering what my future holds and am just going insh’allah day by day, I stopped worrying about the next 2 years, 2 months or even 2 weeks and focus simply upon getting through the next two minutes and saying and truly meaning it when I say, Alhamdulilah for everything. Doing this– amazingly, has made all those things that I worry about happening just fall into my lap. I have a friend that always used to yell at me and say, “D, shut up, calm down and just stop worrying- a watched pot doesn’t boil.” such true words!
I still haven’t heard how my friend’s tests went and haven’t really been sleeping or even able to eat thinking about her, but one thing I do know is that Allah swt loves that girl so much, He wouldn’t be testing her with everything that she’s dealing with if she wasn’t among His most faithful servants. She has the patience of Ayyub (as) and my constant dua. Insh’allah Allah swt will bring her shifa2 and a response to her patience and strength. She so deserves to have constant joy in her life, after all of the pain she’s dealt with.
I have some major life decisions and changes coming up over the course of the summer and I’m feeling like I’m a blind man reaching and I don’t know what I’m reaching for. So this is going to be the end of my post. I’m taking the night off from absolutely everything and just going to sit with my Quran and hear in my heart Allah swt’s words to me and I know that He won’t guide me astray.
Peace, love and Besitos amores.
Alhamdulilah wa salat wa salam a3la nabina Muhammad wa a3la ahli wa sa7bi saliman katheera. Oh Allah I ask that you count me among your faithful and rightly guided servants and that you keep me on the straight path. Ya Allah, do not abandon me even for the blink of an eye. Ameen.