For years, I’ve seen signs of emotion as weakness and have basically gone for a while without really being open about it.
Recently however, I’ve grown to see that for a woman… especially for a Palestinian woman, our emotion is so much more than just dramatics, so much more than being weak. I’ve never met a Palestinian woman in my life that is happy all of the time, or even 75 % of the time. Those that have been, are living in their own little bubble…. but for the rest of them, I’m not even sure how to put this to words.
It’s like, when a Palestinian girl is born, she has the sorrow of the world already in her heart and as she grows up, she just learns how to cope as well as she can.
We carry our homeland in our hearts, we see our fathers, brothers, uncles, husbands, and sons arrested, tortured, murdered…. every day is a day of Jihaad fi sabeel Allah o Falestine.
Here in the west we see them getting up every morning to go to the worst neighborhoods in town to work with the trashiest customers who spend each day scouring for a few cents to smoke a blunt and get high, and if they look at them wrong, or if someone is too drunk, or just in the mood to be belligerent, our hard working husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons could be shot, could be killed…. every day is Jihaad fi sabeel il luqma and every day their sisters and wives and mothers worry more than they can every let on, and the anxiety gets to be too much at times, because if they don’t hear from them as usual they instinctively think the worst.
A Palestinian woman is not a weak being, even when she has moments of weakness they are only moments where the heart that holds the sorrow of the world is overwhelmed and over flows.
More often than not, you won’t see a Palestinian woman wailing or screaming, or discussing her emotions.
What you will see however is a face that is often times unreadable because her eyes…. her eyes are as deep as oceans. They hold the fears for their family, the pain for their homeland and the knowledge that, yes we’ve been exiled from our land, we will face injustice every day as a people until the end of time, and no… we don’t belong here. You will see in the eyes of a Palestinian woman the strength of 1000 men, the strength to lose her father, her brothers, her husband, her sons and to say “what Allah swt wills is sufficient for me”. You will see a yearning for her permanent abode in Paradise with Allah, but most of all, you will see a torrent of emotions that you will never understand, that she may never understand, but that she has learned to cope with, because in the heart of a Palestinian woman lies the soul of the world.
I hope to one day be as strong as the women who have come before me and those that will come after me.
Alhamdulilah wa salaat wa salaam a3la nabiyna Mohammed wa a3la ahili wa sa7bihi saliman katheera.
Oh Allah grant me your blessings and your mercy in my pursuit of understanding why I am here. Grant me the strength in my heart to accept all that you will for me. Oh Allah, you are the best disposer of affairs, take care of me and my heart, I trust no one more than you.